I’ve heard that a million times,             
  but I’m not sure if I’ve really, really
listened to it before now.

We’re in the midst of cold, snowy wintertime in the Midwest and even though I grew up here, I’m far from a winter lovin’ kinda girl!

I’m more of a bring on the heat ~ I don’t even care if there’s humidity, I’ll wear a sarong and throw my hair in braids kinda girl!

So, this winter I’ve been joking … I kept saying how I was going to try all these winter activities, spend a lot of time outside and really love it. I kept calling it the “winter that I love”.

It’s been a couple of months now and everyday that I have off work, you can find me in the woods on the snowy trails. I have found a peace in the quiet, joy in the small living things and the occasional creature and a happiness that comes from being outside often.

And, you know what?

For the first time ever, I really am loving winter!

So simple.

Completely true, how our words become our attitude
and how our attitude really is everything.

Happy Winter ~ I hope that you, too, are having an incredible time!
xoxo,
Bella

I whisper prayers for you.

I see the photos online and my heart is so overwhelmed.
I place my head, so, so heavy into my hands.

The people of Haiti.

How I wish that it were possible to magically be able
to rescue everyone.

My spirit aches for my fellow humans in such a devastated place.

And, so when I was asked to go to Haiti the other night at work,
I replied “yes”.
There was really no other answer that my mouth would form.

Now, I am on a list ~ a “medical at-the-ready” list comprised of those with critical care experience ready to go to Haiti anytime.

I should know more in the next week.

I’m not even sure if I will even be needed.

But, I am willing to go any day at any time.

My heart deeply wants to help.

Long ago as a little curly headed mischevious girl, I loved to enter and explore buildings that I wasn’t supposed to.  I never took anything but I spent hours looking through old things and truly loving the time spent there.  There was always an edge of excitement being somewhere I shouldn’t be.  And, peeking through old things that were stored away was completely interesting, too.

Years later, I still have some of those same feelings when I’m urban exploring and photographing abandoned buildings.

Back in the church, I heard the most beautiful guitar music.  There was a guy who sat, totally enthralled in his playing and I explored listening to the sounds of his incredible talent.

Climbing up into the balcony area of the church, I sat there for the longest time just hearing the melodies. While looking around the vast, ornate church, I felt closer to God than I had in most other churches I had ever been in on a Sunday morning.

It was a great day.

A really, really great day.

especially when there were residue marks of other little faces that were mushed there before us …

but it sure was fun!

“My heart is so full of love today, it feels like it’s going to explode and little sparkly bits are gonna fly all over the world as a result”.

I received this text back:

“Awwwwwwww … I actually feel the same way. I’ve had leaky eyes this morning thinking about how full my life and heart are, so very much to be grateful for!”

It was sent by a great friend that’s been through a hard time in the last year. She had lost her very well paying job and hasn’t been able to find another.

And, you know what?
Her text is really proof that
it truly is how you look at things.

xoxo,
me

“The world needs more positive stories”,
she said to me last night.

And, I think she’s right.

What do you think we should we do about that? ♥

“A friend is someone who is there for you
when they’d rather be anywhere else.”
- Len Wein

(I began to write something here about five times until I realized that the quote speaks well enough for itself, don’t you think?)

I was reminded today how fleeting life is.
In the middle of my day I
found myself holding her hand.
A sweet coworker with an incredible heart.

Last week I hugged her
and made her family coffee while she talked about starting chemo and her attitude was so completely optimistic.

And, the tears welled
up in my eyes as I held her hand.
She slept in her hospital bed, totally unresponsive.
Even her breaths generated by a machine.

My heart and my mind working against each other,
not understanding. Yet, reminded that we are only here for a whisper, such a short time.

Once again, reinterating to have adventures,
truly live life,
hug more,
tell people that I love them more,
find the the joy,
search for the good
and smile until it makes friendly
crinkles around my eyes often.

We just have this once,
the opportunity to enjoy all that makes life worthwhile.

Today, while I am very sad and there is a lot in this life that I don’t understand ~
I look around and see so much that is worth celebrating.
The world is full of it.

And, yes, I believe that this life is good.

…revisiting and adventuring around with my camera in tow, photographing the city and at other times hiking around the countryside.

Recently, someone stole my computer which had thousands upon thousands of photos that I’d taken in the last year and a half.

So incredibly painful of a loss for me.

And, although it’s a big loss, I do have perspective. (Working with critically ill children gifts that to me and I feel lucky for that) ~

One of my friends upon hearing this said to me “The best pictures are the ones in your soul”.
And, you know what? I think she’s right.

It’s painful that I will never look upon the photographed moments of my 93 year old grandparents over the last couple of years, but I have amazing memories of holding their hands and being with them. And, last week I headed out to their home and they were there waiting for me, beautiful smiles on as I photographed them on a warm fall night.

There are many other times that now reside as pictures in my soul ~

An incredible friend visiting from England,
Jetskiing in Florida,
Roadtripping for weeks in California,
Standing at the edge of a canyon staring at nothing but ocean before me,
Seaglass collecting on the world’s greatest beach for finding those treasures,
First time urban exploring in Detroit,
Holding my grandpa’s hand as he bowed his head in prayer,
My grandma playing the piano one of the last times after 30 years at her church,
Laughing and exploring an abandoned bus late at night with a great friend,
Hiking with my dad and finding a newborn fawn,
Weddings of my girlfriends,
Taking my niece and nephew to the zoo,
Wandering in awe at the flower fields in California,
Talking to the seals on the beach,
Many great times spent with friends,
Kayaking at La Jolla,
Hiking around Mendocino,
My cousin showing up at Easter with hot pink hair,
Hiding eggs for my little cousins to find when there was snow on the ground,
Holding premature babies in the NICU,
My first and only road trip taken by myself in California …

And, I think I’ll stop there.
The more I remember, the more it stings sometimes.

On the flip side, I’m re-exploring some of those places and focusing on the things that I consider to be the biggest blessings in this life and those are really good things.

Truly.

I went out deep into the forest alone and became mesmorized by all that was around me. It was as if I were in a different world. The colors, the tall canopy overhead and the wind rustling the everchanging leaves overtook me. There I stood, alone and grateful in autumn’s grandeur.

I lost track of any negative thoughts.

Completely focused on the beauty above, around and below me,
I, in turn ~ felt light, airy, appreciative and serene.

Positive thoughts swirled in my mind in tune with the moving nature.

And, I vowed that I would remember
what this felt like.
That I would have many more
moments like this in life.
With or without being present
in this exquisite scene.

I will remember and smile, my friends.

I hope that you do, too. ♥